thursday, march 10

Tubes collahe

(march 12 2008 and march 9 2011 respectively)

yesterday was about way more than tubes and an adenoidectomy.  it was about walking into a place nearly 3 years to the day that held so much emotion for me.  

i have been into cardinal glennon several times since we walked out the doors with our baby on may 3, 2008.  but somehow i knew this would be different.  this wasn't for a quick check up or to say hello.  this was walking back into the belly of the hospital and once again hand my baby over to someone and relinquish control to something bigger than me.  parking in the same spot i did every morning i went to see adali, the chilly dreary weather just like it was so many mornings i would walk in to the hospital.  somehow, all of this made my emotions more heightened, almost raw.  i looked up and saw the sign directing you to the nicu.  a lump immediately swelled in my throat.  i can do this.  i can do this.  i can do this.  i had to do this.  i had to do this.  

i looked over to the patio where this picture was taken

Tubes collage2

this little patch of patio was my haven.  it's where i prayed, cried, and laughed.  i had to smile when i saw it.  i wanted to walk outside and go back to that time for a second.  adali antisdel.  no time.  we need to register.  i just paid more for adali to get tubes than her entire stay in the nicu.  

and then i saw the new mom being pushed by her husband in a wheelchair back to the nicu.  all i thought was i had to run to her, hug her and tell her that i didn't know if it was going to be ok but that i would be praying for her baby as hard as i prayed for mine.  ding.  the elevator door shut and we were on our way to floor 2.  same day surgery.  your baby is fine.  she has fluid in her ears.  you can do this.  you can do this.  you can do this.  

IMG_5603

Tubes collage3

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Tubes collage4

and then they wheeled her back.  return of the lump in my throat.  

as i waited for my very healthy daughter to be brought back to recovery a renewed sense of fight came back into me to do my part to end prematurity.  there is a reason i was there yesterday rummaging through an overflowing heap of emotions.  she needed a little tune-up…and apparently so did i.  

and that is why we will once again march for babies.  

when:  april 30, 9:00 am

where:  upper muny parking lot

i know that each year we walk it will be more difficult to reach our goal.  adali is doing well now so why do we need to keep doing this?  but sadly too many mothers still have to wake up every morning alone in their bed with no baby by their side to cuddle, nervous to walk into a hospital each day wondering how their baby faired the night before…and that is why i ask for your help again.  do I at least get points for persistence?  like I said last year…i warned you.  i will not give up.  i will continue to do what i can for the babies.  they really, really need us.

2 lbs-2.1 copy

don't forget; little babies can leave a big print on the world.

to help us reach our goal or to walk with us, click on the button on the left hand side of the page.  

much love, 

mama a

3 Comments ( Reply )

  1. Sara T says:

    Looking at the first 2 pictures –What a difference 3 years make!!!

    Glad to hear you made it through yesterday and that Adali did too – you both done good! ;-)

  2. Mandy says:

    Wow. Great post…I can hardly see the screen as I type this comment due to the overflow of tears in my eyes.

  3. erin says:

    Finally catching up on your blog – this post just made me cry. I’m glad you got through, although I understand how it is never “over.” We are excited to join you, and I might whip out my Beatrice tank and walk it in her honor. PS-those little pink feet are exactly Bee’s size…they made me smile :)

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